So I'm fat and unhappy

So I have never had good self esteem or confidence. I am unsure if I will ever gain the positive attitude needed to really love myself. Right now as usual I am fighting with my body image. I'm FAT. There is no maybe...its pretty obvious. In 2004 I lost 50-60 pounds and felt so much better about myself. Of course now the year 2010 I am right back where I was in 2004 before the weight loss. I'm not happy with the way I look ,yet I do nothing about it. Makes me sound ignorant really. I consciously think about it every time I eat. Before I eat the cookie I think about how I will hate myself for having eaten it, but I still eat it. One of my problems is that I am a emotional eater. Being a military wife and having the hubby gone all the time is stress in and of itself...so I eat. I have to handle the finances and its stressful...so I eat. I hate the rolls on my belly. I hate that I have to lay on the bed to zip up my pants. I hate that I cant be who I want to be because I am hidden beneath layers of grotesque fat. I don't want to be like this. I really don't. I guess I have to make it through the mental game to really get the push start that I need. I continually say that I will start tomorrow...but tomorrow comes and I eat the cookie again. Its a vicious circle. I have plans to be that gorgeous fit blond beauty my husband remembers, and craves. I just don't know when my plans will start.